Once Upon a Smasher
by RoxieStar89
Summary: The parody of the "Ed, Edd n Eddy" episode called "Once Upon an Ed". Pit, Dark Pit and Palutena get trapped in the wall in Ashley's room in Diamond City and, while figuring out how to break free, they must tell the young witch a bedtime story, with hilarious results. No rude comments, please.
1. Uninvited Guests in the Wall

It was almost bedtime in Ashley's House in Diamond City and Ashley walked into her room in her white nightgown; accompanying her was Red, her demon friend.

"Race you to bed, Red," Ashley said prior to diving into bed with Red, as if on cue.

As they dove into bed, they ended up worming their way to the top.

"Hey! Stop tickling me, Red!" Ashley giggled as Red won the race. "Okay, you beat me again, you jackrabbit! Oh, you want a bedtime story? Okay, then it's time for a bedtime story. You're gonna' like this one. It's called 'Alpha the Lonely Cubivore'."

With that, she pulled out the book called "Alpha the Lonely Cubivore" as if on cue and then began to read out loud.

"Once upon a time," Ashley read, "there was a lonely cubivore named Alpha. He was so lonely that not many of his fellow cubivores wanted to play with him-"

All of a sudden, the creaking noises were heard, prompting the young witch to knock on the wall where said noises were coming from.

"Did you hear that, Red?" Ashley asked. "I think we got wall weasels in here."

Suddenly, a section of said wall began to crumble, revealing the certain green-haired goddess named Lady Palutena.

"Who's there?" Palutena asked, just before said section of the wall crumbled some more, revealing Pit.

"Ugh, my leg's caught!" Pit moaned, and just seconds later, the same section then crumbled once more, finally revealing Dark Pit.

"Hey, break it up!" Dark Pit barked. "Out of my way! Make some room!"

"I think I'm sitting on a nail!" Pit whined again.

"That's my turn," Palutena added.

"Hey, how did you get here?" Ashley asked, prior to Red making some noises. "What's wrong, Red? Oh, I get it. Red says that you'd better take a hike or we'll call the cops."

"Hey, Red," Dark Pit said. "Have you ever been on a tour to the chocolate factory?"

"Mind your manners, Pittoo," Pit hushed. "Ashley deserves an explanation. Now, if someone could just redirect their foot, I'd be happy to tell Ashley a story."

"Did you hear that, Red?" Ashley gasped in awe. "We're getting a new bedtime story. Yay!"

"Well, let's see now," Pit began. "The story starts-"

"Oh come on, Pitstain!" Dark Pit groaned. "My feet are about to fall asleep!"

"There's an art to storytelling, Pittoo," Pit stated. "One must use a pallet of words to paint images, blend sentences, and project them in an interesting way."

"No offense, Pit," Palutena said, "but it's kinda boring."

"Yeah, boring," Ashley agreed.

"See?" Dark Pit smirked. "Ashley's got your number, Pitstain. Anyway, let me tell you a story, Ashley."

With that, the dark angel then focused on the picture of a flower hanging over Ashley's bed. The flower then becomes "real" and the story began.


	2. Dark Pit's Story

The golden sandal-clad foot landed on the flower. The person wearing said sandals was actually Dark Pit, who was dressed to the nines in the luxurious black robe fit for a god. He was also wearing the golden laurel wreath that was twice as opulent as the one that he wore in real life and was also carrying a golden scepter with a purple gem on the top of said scepter.

"I was strolling down the sidewalk, same old, nothing special whatsoever when Ganondorf suddenly says," Dark Pit narrated as Ganondorf, who was actually a pig, walked by, as if on cue.

"Excuse me, Mr. Dark Pit," Ganondorf said, also as if on cue. "Nice day for a walk, isn't it sir?"

"And I say," Dark Pit narrated again. "'Hey, Ganondorf! Have you flame-choked anyone lately?' He looks down and BAM!"

As if still on cue, Ganondorf looked at his hands, which where actually pig-like hooves, just to bump into a tree.

"What a sap," Dark Pit laughed as he continued to walk away.

"Good one, Mr. Dark Pit," Ganondorf laughed. "Heh, I'm such a fool. HAHAHAHA!"

"With that," Dark Pit narrated as his dream form came to the gates of the palatial estate that he had just arrived at, "I figured that I'd take a shortcut through my lavish estate and pop in on my modest floor ice-cream bank. You know, just to rush the help."

Yup, the gates were guarded by the statues of the golden "roaring" Dark Pits while the estate was revealed to be the "Floor Ice-Cream Bank". The doors then swung open, just to reveal lots of golden statues, depicting how wealthy Dark Pit was.

Meanwhile in the "Floor Ice-Cream Bank", Mario (who was wearing a Tanuki suit) handed over the floor ice-cream, having Pit give him the deposit sheet in his process.

"Please sign on the dotted line, Mario," Pit said, pointing to the signature line and Mario did exactly that, as if on cue. "Thank you."

"Take-a care of-a my floor ice-a-cream-a," Mario said, "As I'm a simpleton-a who's only good-a for saving Princess Peach-a."

"You're welcome," Pit said, just to have Palutena stamp on the paper with the bank seal. That seal in question had the image of Dark Pit's smug face with the words of "Okay By Me" written on it.

"I'm such a greenie," Palutena giggled.

Just seconds later, Dark Pit threw the front doors open and arrived inside the bank, much to the delight of his fans. The fans in question were Falco Lombardi (who was actually a falcon instead of a pheasant in Dark Pit's story), Shulk (who was clad in nothing more than his swimming trunks), Lucas (who was a baby clad in a diaper), Wario (who smelled so bad that he was surrounded by several flies buzzing around him), Fox McCloud (who was wearing a purple off-the shoulder, floor-length ballgown with several rhinestones embellishing the bodice and a hoop skirt instead of his usual flight suit that he wears in real life), Princess Zelda (who was clad in a pink tutu and matching leotard and ballet slippers), Female!Wii Fit Trainer (who was only wearing a bikini), Toon Link (who was a puppet held by an eight-legged cybernetic teddy bear better known as "Experiment"), Samus (who had a very huge mouth and still wore her Zero Suit) and Little Mac (who was very overweight).

"Greetings, my dear citizens!" Dark Pit called out, prompting them to smile, cheer and wave instantly.

"My, he's so self-absorbed," Zelda sighed dreamily.

"My public," Dark Pit smirked as he strode forward proudly.

"Mr. Dark Pit! Mr. Dark Pit!" Fox shouted excitedly as he ran up to Dark Pit, lifting either side of the skirt of his gown with both hands along the way. "Is that a new robe?"

"YEAH, CAN I TOUCH IT?!" Samus blurted out in equal excitement. "CAN I?! CAN I?!"

Instead, however, Dark Pit just whacked them away with his scepter and then proceeded to walk to his throne.

"Good day, Mr. Dark Pit," Pit greeted. "It's me, Pit. How are you doing today, sir?"

"Get to work, slacker," Dark Pit scoffed in response while he continued to walk to his throne.

"Oh, yes indeed," Pit obeyed. "No shirking in this department in here."

As Dark Pit made his way to his throne, he grabbed the microphone and began to speak through the intercom.

"I'm about to speak," he said through the intercom. "Since I'm the executive president, CEO and owner of the International Bank of Floor Ice-Cream, Inc., drop your floor ice-creams here and get lost because the bank has just closed! But hey, don't forget to come back tomorrow because I love you."

At the end of his "I love you" line, the dark angel winked. Palutena and Pit then shoved several said customers out the front doors and then struggled to close the doors shut, but despite several arms wiggling through the crack, they manage to slam the doors shut. After that, they, along with Dark Pit himself, then walked up to the giant golden bank vault.

"Once I got rid of the commoners," Dark Pit narrated once more, "it was time to check on the stash."

Dark Pit then worked the tumblers on the lock until it opened. Palutena then put her staff into the giant keyhole and then turned it, causing the door to creak open a giant stash of floor ice-creams from all over the world. As they walked in, Dark Pit then laughed maniacally.

"Mr. Dark Pit, shall I begin the inventory?" Pit asked as he whipped out an abacus.

"Get on with it, Pitstain," Dark Pit spat. "Palutena, top floor, pronto."

"Watch your step, sir," Palutena said and then used her staff to grant the dark angel the "Power of Flight", allowing him to fly up to the top, where he spotted the Japan-based matcha green tea-flavored floor ice-cream.

"C'mon, c'mon, that's the one, Palutena," Dark Pit said as he picked up said floor ice-cream. "Japan flavor. Come to papa."

Palutena, in the meantime, was tasting one of the China-based floor ice-creams, just to be pulled away by Dark Pit.

"Palutena!" Dark Pit scolded. "Don't touch that! You're an employee, remember?"

"Agony! Agony!" Pit cried out after tinkering with an abacus. "As many times as I've gone over these numbers, they don't add up!"

"You've obviously made a mistake in the correlation between the gross revenues and the sum of the square root, minus a piece of pie," Dark Pit stated.

"What was I thinking?" Pit gasped in realization. "Mr. Dark Pit, you're a genius!"

He then proceeded to kneel and kiss Dark Pit's golden sandal-clad foot, with the aforementioned dark angel allowing him to do exactly that.

...

 **Well, I turned Falco into an actual falcon for this chapter for some reason. As for Ganondorf, I also turned him into a pig because his beast form is based on a wild pig of some sort. Speaking of Little Mac being overweight, I got that idea from Captain Rainbow. Oh, and speaking of Toon Link's puppet form from Dark Pit's story, I got that idea from one of the bosses from "Conker's Bad Fur Day" called "Experiment and Little Girl". Oh, and I also made Wario smell extremely bad for some reason. Anyway, see you next chapter!**


	3. Pit's Story

"The square root of a piece of pie?" Pit asked in disbelief as we faded back to reality in Ashley's room.

"What?" Dark Pit asked quizzically.

"That's pure fiction," Pit answered. "Your exaggerated tale could only be described as cockamamie."

"Tsk, tsk, tsk," Palutena tsked. "I've never heard of such language before."

"Don't stop now," Ashley blurted out. "What happens next? What happens next?"

"Control yourself, Ashley," Pit reassured. "Starting from where Pittoo left off, this discomfort began with Princess Peach's arrival to my correctly designed Floor Ice-Cream Bank, where Palutena is my assistant and Pittoo is my employee."

...

As we entered Pit's story, everything in Skyworld looked clean and Pit was polishing the counter of the "Bank of Floor Ice-Cream" when Peach arrived.

"Oh, happy day!" Pit squealed. "A new customer!"

"Get the Pidove!" Dark Pit cried out. "Get her! Grab the floor ice-cream! Take it! It's mine!"

"How mortifying," Pit sighed in annoyance. "Anyway, good day, princess. Don't we look special. Let me see your beautiful smile."

Peach then showed off her pearly whites as if on cue, impressing the angel instantly.

"Impeccable," Pit said.

"I'd like to make a deposit," Peach stated as he was about to hand over the floor ice-cream.

"At Pit's Floor Ice-Cream Bank," Pit said, "we pride ourselves-"

He was cut off by Dark Pit drooling on the ice-cream, much to his dismay.

"Gimme the ice-cream," Dark Pit slobbered. "Peach is a sucker. Take it from her instead! It's mine!"

"Pittoo!" Pit scolded. "It's rude to interrupt! Anyway, princess, where was I? We pride ourselves on customer satisfaction and-"

He saw Dark Pit drooling on the ice-cream again, prompting Pit to pull him away and wipe his mouth with a napkin.

"My apologies, your highness," Pit apologized. "Pitto can't help himself sometimes. He's such a lovable oaf."

"Lemme have it!" Dark Pit salivated again. "So that I can put it in the floor ice-cream vault?"

"I see signs in your progress, Pittoo," Pit said.

All of a sudden much to his horror, he noticed Dark Pit having just grabbed and then stuffed the ice-cream as well as Peach's hands in his mouth.

"My hands!" Peach shrieked in horror. "My floor ice-cream! Dark Pit germs!"

She then pulled the ice-cream loose from Dark Pit's mouth and then ran away, prompting him to give chase.

"Help!" Peach screamed once more as she kept running away. "Mario! Help me, Mario! I'm so delicate!"

Pit had just decided that he had enough.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" he screamed, causing Dark Pit to stop running and cower pitifully.

"I hope you're proud of yourself," Pit stated, willing to lecture the dark angel into submission. "You've just driven away another customer! It's baffling! Let me tell you Your deep-seated lack of self-control only fosters failure in every endeavor that we undertake. I mean-it's always one step forward and two steps back. Don't you see the example that I work hard to set for you? Take note, as I'm a-"

Before he could finish, Dark Pit decided to interrupt the story.

"Stupid Pitstain," he narrated, prompting Pit to suddenly sport large ears as well as equally large buck teeth coming out from his upper jaw. "And a babbling dweeb who can't even lift a single Lurchthorn."


	4. Palutena's Story

As we faded back into reality in Ashley's room again, Dark Pit was the one responsible for abruptly finishing off Pit's story.

"I wish I was a good-looking as Dark Pit," he narrated once more, prior to laughing.

"Ugh, this story stinks," Ashley groaned. "Red and I want a real story, like Octillery's gardens, lots of Honedges and Mr. Game and Watch."

"Open a window, Ashley, and get some fresh air," Dark Pit groaned. Now it was Palutena's time to tell a story.

"And so it went," Palutena narrated at last. "Little did Palutena, Pit and Pittoo know that deep inside the intestines of the Underworld, Medusa, Hades and Pandora were plotting to foil the bravest heroes that the Smash Mansion, along with Skyworld, had to offer."

We then faded to the Underworld, where Medusa, alongside Hades and Pandora (who was in her humanoid form), was seated in the creepy-looking yet elegant dining table and we'll find out what they would eat now. Everything but the characters is black and white in Palutena's story.

"They plot to do so with over-radiated mashed potatoes," Palutena narrated again. "Slowly, one by one, they would devour those tainted spuds."

Medusa, Hades and Pandora did exactly that, as if on cue, and then began to mutate, screaming in agony in their process and with that, the strange beam began to shoot from the Underworld.

Let's focus on Pit, Dark Pit and Palutena in the meantime. Yup, according to the story that Palutena was already telling Ashley, Pit was only talking in "blah's", "yak's" and sometimes even "drivel's".

"Blah blah," Pit said. "Blah blah blah! Blah blah blah! Yak, yak! Blah blah! Drivel, drivel, drivel!"

The earth then suddenly started shaking, much to their shock.

"Hey, what was that?" Dark Pit asked.

"Yakkity yak yak?" Pit asked as well, then the completely frightened Fox (who was wearing his flight suit again) ran up to them with fear on his face.

"Something big, Pit," Fox cried out as he shook Pit. "Gather your inadequate friends and flee! Flee in the name of Corneria!"

Fox then ran away in fear, with several other equally frightened Smashers and even Assist Trophies following suit. Those exact Smashers and Assist Trophies alike were Wolf, Rosalina, Lucina, Marth, Ike, Lucas, Ness, Falco, Lucario, Jigglypuff, the two Robins, Roy (the swordsman), Peach, Samus, Zelda, Ice Climbers, Bowser and his Koopalings (including Bowser Jr.), the two Wii Fit Trainers, Olimar, Duck Hunt Duo, Link, Donkey Kong, Diddy Kong, Captain Falcon, Sonic, Pac-Man, Shulk, Waluigi, Lyn, Isabelle, Phosphora, Jeff, Shadow, Dillon, Midna, Hammer Bro, Magnus, Kat & Ana, Ghirahim and many others.

"May the aura be with you," Lucario panted while running away in fear while Falco, who also ran past, just screamed.

"I'm really feeling it!" Shulk blurted as he kept running. "So feeling it!"

"I'm pupping, man!" Wolf howled as he ran.

Then Rosalina, who was carrying Luma with one hand, pointed at the sky with her free hand and giggled nervously as she kept running away. Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong then ran past.

"Oh, my leg!" Diddy screeched as he suddenly fell down. "I can't go on. Just leave me, uncle DK. Farewell, cruel world."

"Come on, little buddy!" Donkey Kong cried out as he tried to pull up his presumably dying nephew. "You can do it!"

Unfortunately, however, a giant foot suddenly landed near them, crushing Diddy Kong to his presumed death and sending Donkey Kong flying.

"DONKEY KONG!" Palutena shrieked, and then she, along with Pit and Dark Pit, saw that the foot belonged to Medusa, who was a giant now. Medusa then laughed maniacally as she stared down at them.

"Your time has come, Medusa!" Dark Pit yelled as he shook his fist, just to have Palutena grab him and Pit and run away with them together, prompting Medusa to chase them.

Pandora, who was also a giant, stomped over to them and used one of the magical Cuccoos on each of her armpit to shoot lasers at several houses, turning one of them into a Chaos Kin.

"Evil Chaos Kin!" Palutena screamed as she, Pit and Dark Pit then ran to another house, just for that house to get shot by the same laser and turn into a Monoeye. "Monoeye!"

Pandora laughed maniacally as she kept shooting several lasers from the Cuccoos on each armpit.

"Blah blah blah!" Pit shouted in fear.

"Quick, in here!" Dark Pit suggested as they tried to hide in one more house, just for said house to rise and reveal the equally gigantic Hades, who then laughed maniacally.

"Hades!" Dark Pit shouted in fright.

"Yak yak!" Pit shouted.

Medusa, who stomped over again, then fired lasers from snakes on her head, turning more houses into stone, before intending to do the same to our heroes (or anti-hero in Dark Pit's case).

"Yak yak!" Pit gasped.

"The Underworld Army!" Dark Pit yelled as he used the garbage can's lid in an attempt to shield himself as well as Pit and Palutena. Hades, Medusa and Pandora then fuse together, much to their horror.

"Uh, Palutena," Dark Pit added in disbelief. "Your story's getting weird."

The three giants then used their dark powers to knock them backwards in a heap, just to separate and surround them.

"I'm too young to die!" Dark Pit winced. "Stop!"

"BLAH BLAH BLAH!" Pit screamed, just for Palutena to stand up.

"Now it's my turn!" she declared, and with that, she granted herself, Pit and Dark Pit the "Power of Flight" and flew away with them together. The dark goddesses (and god in Hades' case) chased them, brandishing a flyswatter.

"Underworld Army!" Dark Pit shouted yet again.

"Yak!" Pit cried out.

A lucky blow then caught them, causing them to spiral down to earth and plow up plenty of dirt in their process of landing. They then ended up less than a yard away from the mouse hole in the side of the house.

"Underworld Army?" Dark Pit asked in a daze prior to spotting the familiar giants. "UNDERWORLD ARMY!"

"We have found shelter!" Palutena shouted prior to shoving him and Pit into the mouse hole. "All right!"

She then wiggled in with them and then managed to get in with them together, just in time, as Medusa's hand grabbed the side of the house, ending the story instantly.


	5. Free at Last!

"And stuck in your wall we are," Palutena narrated once more as we faded back into reality in Ashley's room once more. "The end."

"What an enchanted world you live in, Palutena," Pit stated.

"I got a cramp listening to you," Dark Pit scoffed. "Okay, Ashley, there's your story. Now how about trying to pry us out of your wall?"

However, Ashley and Red had already drifted off to sleep, much to the dark angel's chagron.

"Way to go, Hemingway," Dark Pit said sarcastically. "Your part has just put Ashley to sleep. How are we supposed to get of of here?"

"I got this," Palutena said as she hit upon an idea. "I can use my staff to get us out."

"How?" Pit and Dark Pit asked in unison.

"You'll see," Palutena answered as she managed to stick out her staff and use it to teleport them including Palutena herself) out of Ashley's room and with that, they ended up back in the Smash Mansion, much to their relief.

"Finally," Dark Pit shouted.

"And we're back," Palutena announced.

"And we're not stuck in Ashley's wall anymore!" Pit cheered as he jumped into the air triumphantly.

"It's a never-ending story," they said in unison as they proceeded to walk into the Smash Mansion.

...

 **And that's all, folks! I know this chapter is short and I apologize, but I didn't like the ending of the actual episode where the Kanker Sisters find the Eds in Jonny 2x4's wall, so I decided to make the ending different and give it a happy ending. anyway, like I said, that's the end!**


End file.
